you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize