Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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