her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
