I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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