capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
