There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You took a bar mat shot.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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