I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
