Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
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