I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
