it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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