everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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