oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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