I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
