that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
