We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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