My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
