Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
