I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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