ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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