I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Michael Bay diarrhea
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
