I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
