You don't have asthma, your pregnant
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
