So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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