Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.