can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
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You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
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at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.