So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
