The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
