Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Bring me that man meat
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
