My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
