Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
