You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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