my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
