One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
