As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
