You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
