My balls are so social today.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
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She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
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We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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