Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
