I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
