Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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