I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
