shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
