god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
