We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
