Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
