NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
