PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
