Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
