I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize