Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
