I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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