White coat. Heels.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
