Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
