So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
