I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
