i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize