she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
