What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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