No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
