I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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