guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
im about as happy as oj after his trial
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
nutella sex= disaster
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Randomize
