you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
