i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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