lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
