I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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