dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
