my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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