At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
