I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
