Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
