My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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