can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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