we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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