Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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