You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
