dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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