in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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