Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
