Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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