I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
