Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
